i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
