i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it was like eating out sand paper
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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