why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
