the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
