WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
