ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
