Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
