Please, let me fuck your mom
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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