i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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