he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
