I puked a lego.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So vagazzling was a success
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
