i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
