If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
