i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
