$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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