He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize