You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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