Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
