every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
