I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
