another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
well, you know. whores of a feather.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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