So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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