Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think my fart just growled at me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
