About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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