You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
how does that bad decision feel?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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