My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
