And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
