i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
