meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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