no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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