just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
