We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
