i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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