fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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