So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
