Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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