is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
