I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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