Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
