The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
