You can't motorboat a personality
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
