put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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