Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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