hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Drake has all the answers
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
