bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
