If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
