I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
