I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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