I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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