I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
