My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
