I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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