Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
