i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
