God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I am available for nakedness
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
