I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So here I am, sexting at work.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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