We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
