If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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