Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
