I'm sorry my penis didn't work
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
