the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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