The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
