i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
