after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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